The Daily Muse

- - - - - Etiquette = Restoring decorum to an otherwise feral world - - - - -

Mens Toilet Etiquette is what happens if there is already a male at a urinal and means you must go to the urinal furtherest from him.

in other words...X is NOT the spot

And if all spots are taken and you’re catching up with a friend from high school, DO NOT stop mid pee and shake your neighbours hand…Chris this means you.

Blech!

Elevator Chi is what you get when you’re in the lift and you subconciously redistribute yourself so that everybody is evenly spaced out. Like you’re ensuring good ‘Elevator Feng Shui’ and that is very thoughtful of you really…thanks.

Bad Elevator Chi

An example of bad chi. Guitarist should be further to the right. Unless he’s serenading someone and the guy on the left is holding the amp to his guitar in which case he cancels out bad chi…but then there’s no chi at all. This is a bad example of bad chi really…

Good chi.

I’m surprised I wasn’t able to find a non-diagram example but I assure you this is something everyone has programmed in their belly button which, when you work on the 13th floor at work, is hilarious to watch.

- - - - - - Pocativets - - - - - -

Just what I wanted this morning...kaka-koffee

Someone wake me up and tell me that Kopi Luwak is all a bad dream. Coffee from the butt of a Civet, which looks like a possum and is nicknamed a cat. These creatures eat coffee berries and excrete highly expensive coffee. HOW DO I FIND SHIT LIKE THIS TO BLOG ABOUT? I dunno. But there’s a cafe in Brisbane that sells this coffee at $50AUD a cup. This is expensive shit y’all!! LITERALLY.

Kopi Muncak (also Kopi Muntjak) is a similar koffee made with the same principle but shat out by deer instead of civets. Mmmm….Venison shit.

- - - - - What Turkish People call a Turkey-bird? - - - - -

Just to clarify…

This is a female Turkey.

This is a Turkish Female.

My closest friend is the brilliant Turkish woman above who filled me in on the history of Kaka Koffee so it’s only fair that this last part is dedicated to her. This is for you Nes…

I had a follow up question for her, what’s the Turkish word for Turkey? I felt it was a pretty easy question to be honest. But she got stumped, which is HILARIOUS. Then she sent me this story because she told me in Turkey they call Turkey-birds ‘Hindi’. And I was like What tha?

And then the story goes; there was a common misconception in Europe that these birds came from Indian Merchants from India’s Malabar Coast. Turkey wasn’t the first place to name the bird after India, most scandanavian countries did that too.  In India AND Portugal they call Turkeys ‘Peru’, in Macedonia they called Turkeys ‘Egypt’, in Malaysia the word for Turkey roughly translates as ‘Dutch Chicken’.

uh...?

Confused? Me too.

But at the end of the day what happened is this; No one fucking knew where these birds came from. African’s called it indian, indians called it peruvian and peruvians called it african.

So from tomorrow onwards I’m calling chickens…Cambodia.